it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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