the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
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