My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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