Ambien. No doubt about it.
I can text with my tongue
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Randomize
