Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I wish there were birth control emojis
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
