I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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