rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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