her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
