I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
