Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
