"it" just moved
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
