If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
