I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
