Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
