He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize