Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
