i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
