I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
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my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
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I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
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