I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
