u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
