Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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