honey bunches of taint.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
