Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
COCAINE IS GR8
Randomize
