White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
