Barsexuality is the new black.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
