Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
