I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
