We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I have aggressive nipples.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
