She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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