That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
