It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
