I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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