yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
