I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
