i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
