and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
