I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
