Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Just puked most of my soul out..
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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