Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
