I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
