he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
