i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
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Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
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You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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