What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
