She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize