well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Fuck appropriateness.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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