did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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