I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
she looked like the before picture.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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