Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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