dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
