I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
