I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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