I'm eating all of the evidence.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
