my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
