I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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