i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
