I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
