ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Randomize
