I am puke
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
