No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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