We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
