if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
