So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I just want to make out with him forever
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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