Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
