What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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