I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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