Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
