If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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