the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
