two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
