careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
