Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
