My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
