Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
