definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
