just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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