So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
