Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
