Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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