i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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