let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
