I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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