My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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